I’m a chronic quitter.
Recently, a conversation at dinner with relatives about this problem of mine bothered me so much that I — guess what? — got up and left the table.
Don’t get me wrong — if I have a responsibility, I follow through. You can count on me to do what I say I will. That’s a fact.
However, give me a task that no one is waiting with bated breath for me to finish and I…well…I usually won’t finish it. When the going gets tough, I get going. For example:
Getting my permit to drive a boat on Lake Leman: I took one boating class listing all the ways one was to hang a flag to communicate with other boaters and knew I wouldn’t continue. It was too much like learning a new language.
Learning Swiss German (Bernese dialect): Listened to three tracks on the cd and figured I’d forget it. This was learning a new language. I’d had a hard enough time with French, but Swiss German was a tongue twister.
Driving stick shift: 10 lessons with a driving teacher that could make Satan seem lovable. I actually broke into tears every time I reached an intersection. Thank God for automatic.
Making macarons: I got a fancy macaron kit and a ton of brightly colored food dye. So far, I haven’t even gotten as far as whipping up egg whites. I mean, yes, it looks good, but it also looks like work.
Playing any and all Super Mario games: Hit with X. Jump with A. Spin with Y. Boost your power with B. Uh, no. I prefer the letters of the alphabet to spell something. Ciao, Mario.
Learning Jass: Have you ever played this Swiss card game? No? Then don’t judge. Yes? Then you should know why I quit.
Using a pressure cooker: Let me just say it took days to clean the kitchen. Never again.
So why not add writing to that list?
Today while I was suffering in front of the computer, trying in vain to write, it occurred to me I could just quit. I could just forget writing completely. I mean, it’s what I usually do when things get difficult. I wrote two books this year that have yet to see a publishing contract. Writing the third has been nothing but slow and steady torture. It’s not like the world is waiting for me to pen something else.
So why haven’t I quit? It might make my life easier. Hell, it might even make my life better….
Writing is hard and I ask myself every day why I do it. And every day I decide to continue even though I don’t exactly know the answer. There are times when writing is fun and fulfilling. But most often, I find writing an awful, difficult ordeal because I want to do it well. I don’t know if I write because it heals a gaping wound in my gut or if it’s the act of writing that’s created an ulcer. Do I write because when I see the word count stacking up, I finally feel worthy or I finally know it’ll be finished? Or do I do it because when I don’t write, I don’t like who I am? But when I don’t like who I am, I often don’t want to write.
I’m not sure what the real reason is. But maybe it doesn’t matter. Whatever the reason I write, it is vital to my being.
I’m a chronic quitter. I’ve given up on sewing, dancing, accounting, biking, running, tutoring and (luckily for all of you) singing. But I never intend to give up on writing.
Just don’t ask me why.
4 thoughts on “Calling it Quits”
*hugs* Katie! I know you don't always quit! And I'm very happy you continue to write, because I really want to read your words 🙂
*groans* I tried learning the Bernese Swiss German, too – I went to three classes before I stopped even thinking about it! And Jass? Never understood anything about that game, give me something I can play with my kids, please 😉
I totally love my pressure cooker, though, it's amazing to make soup and other goodies in 🙂
I hope your last few days of 2015 will be wonderful, and I know one thing you should quit in 2015… Quit being so HARD on yourself! *hugs*
Lexxie @ (un)Conventional Bookviews
You are so awesome. I knew someone out there would understand about Jass! 🙂 Happy New Year!
I know exactly how you feel. I keep editing but never feel my books are finished. My stories don't even get views on places like wattpad, so it's been rough on me mentally. I'm glad you'll keep writing. I keep coming back to your blog hoping for a new book release because I loved Untethered so much. You have fans out there – I'm one!
You keep on and I'll keep on! Thanks so much for the encouragement!